Universal Nutrition Forum

Bodybuilding, fitness supplements Vitamins Products That SHOULD Be Invented
By Nick Nilsson

Somebody has yet to fill in these "important" gaps in the
bodybuilding product world. Enjoy a humorous look at products
that will probably never grace any store shelves but really
should.

If you've been training for any length of time, you know there are certain shortcomings in the products that are available at the moment. The following is a list of products that I think someone someone should invent. I think a person could make a million dollars with these ideas!

1. The Gasless Protein Shake

If you're familiar with the gastric rumblings that occur soon after taking a big protein shake, you know how popular this item would be. It will also keep those pesky Environmental Protection Agency people off your back with their "industrial emissions violation" warnings.

2. Bench Press Air Bag Shirt

For the bouncing bencher...helps prevent rib crackage. The air bag inflates automatically when it detects terminal velocity on the bar.

3. The Sweat Alarm

Most useful in a commercial gym, simply attach one of these to each machine. When the electrodes detect sweat left on a machine after a person is done and that person starts to walk away, a loud alarm goes off and pepper sprays them.

4. Self-Cleaning Spit Mirror

This mirror is most useful in front of the squat rack. When a set is done, sensors determine the amount of spit that has appeared on the mirror then sends a squirt of cleaner and a squeegee down the surface.

5. Lister-prot-ine

A combination of Listerine mouth wash and protein powder, this supplement leaves your mouthy minty fresh instead of tasting like nasty rotten milk. Your friends and loved ones will thank you for it!

6. The Smart-A** Weight Belt For The Dumb-A** Trainer With Optional Shock Attachment

Simply put on this belt and sensors with pre-recorded messages tell you in no uncertain terms when you're doing something stupid that you're going to hurt yourself with. The optional shock attachment works like the invisible fence shock collar you put on a dog to keep in in the yard. When you break form, the belt tells you what it thinks of you then sends a sharp shock up your spine. You'll never round your back over when doing squats again!

7. The Timer-Spray Fountain With Backwash Detector

Tired of people taking way too long at the water fountain when there's a line? Tired of people backwashing into it? Fix that with the Timer-Spray Fountain with Backwash Detector. If a person takes too long or if the fountain detects backwash, a spray of water shoots out at the person to make it look like they wet their pants. Curbs annoying behavior very rapidly!

8. The OverFragranced/B.O. Biohazard Shower

This machine operates much like a metal detector/electronic sniffer. As people leave the changeroom, the machine determines whether they're wearing too much cologne or perfume, if they've got rampant B.O. (or Beyond B.O.), or some eye-watering combination of both. Powerful jets of water immediately rinse the excess aroma away.

9. Barbell Curl Rack

This unique rack gives the barbell curlers an option instead of hogging the squat rack. Because it's just too hard to pick up that dang heavy bar all the way from the floor...

10. Ego Alert Siren

This clip-on attachment for barbells (most useful in the bench press) automatically detects the speed of the bar on the way down. If the downward velocity exceeds a certain pre-set limit, the Ego Alert automatically goes off, alerting everyone in the immediate 10 square mile radius that you're trying to use more weight than you should be. Also available: optional laugh track to discourage further Alerts.

11. Chicken Leg Filler Pants

Designed for those sporting the always trendy "riding-a-chicken" look, these pants for the "upper-body-only" trainer are stuffed with high-density foam padding to make your legs look proportioned to the rest of your body. Great for fending off attack dogs, too.

12. GPS Workout Enforcer

This gadget utilizes Global Positioning satellites and beacons attached to the equipment in your gym to track your location in the gym and remind you when you've been neglecting certain tiny, little nuisance bodyparts such as your entire lower body.

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gembefit007 wrote:

11. Chicken Leg Filler Pants

Designed for those sporting the always trendy "riding-a-chicken" look, these pants for the "upper-body-only" trainer are stuffed with high-density foam padding to make your legs look proportioned to the rest of your body. Great for fending off attack dogs, too.

My favourite! Its funny because its true...

its fuckin hilarious-there is this beefcake in m gym-inclines 50 kgs in each hand for 10 reps-evry time i c him he is benching in a hollister tshirt thats about to burst at the seams! look down at his trousers and u can tell he has chicken legs...i expect he is a blackrock college ex student

dont be so quick to stereotype people

its a persons choice if they dont want to work out a certain bodypart.not everyone has the same goals or standards

Fair enough about the stereotyping qualm, point taken, but surely you cant argue that the 'work the pretty boy muscles and nothing else' aproach that so many people in the gym seem to go for is in any way practical. Theres no logic behind it whatsoever in my opinion. You should almost always be aiming for an overall body strength increase no matter what your goal may be.
So what if you can curl 50kg if you cant squat jack, the only part of your life thats gonna help improve is your arm wrestling game(although I do love arm wrestling!

)

how is it not practical or not logical?i see where your coming from but why should everyone be aiming for an overall increase in strength?what if they just want big arm or a 6 pack ( the very reason i walked into a gym when i was 15) i dont see what the problem is?!

the problem with that is that it will lead to muscle imbalances which can lead to posture problems. Being musclebound isnt exactly practical

how will not working your legs make you musclebound?unless your a 250lb tank i dont think itd have that much of an affect on posture?

I do agree with Quirkster - each to their own lads, not everyone aims for a bodybuilder's physique so having proportion and balance correct might not be their main concern. I do agree tho, it just looks f*ckin' ridiculous if you're huge on top with little billy goat legs. Also, just for growth - isn't it true that working the major muscles, especially in your legs increases the release of GH thus increasing overall growth. Therefore, ppl who don't work their legs etc. are making things harder on themselves?

i hadnt considered that side red but ya come to think of it thats true so it is more beneficial for you to do legs but still not everyone 'has' to

no no I'm not talking bout ppl that don't train legs I'm talking bout the ones that do just chest and biceps every day. This will make u hunched over if ur chest gets stronger than ur back. Also ppl who train chest only all the time tend to train it 4+ times a week. That will lead to injury which defo isnt practical, esp if u play sports at a semi high level. Iv no problem with ppl who don't no how to train but I think its stupid to not at least learn how to minimize risk of injury. All they would have to do is train the opposing muscles(back day after chest day) then a rest day and repeat. But alot of them don't bother to know this which will eventually cause them to injure themselves

woops misunderstood you there. i agree with what your saying fully there cill. for me, i cant help but laugh at people who say they want 'big arms' and train biceps like its going out of fashion, never touching their tri's, when the tricep makes up 2/3 of the arm.

ive seen people in my school become hunch backs from only ever doing their chests and biceps

Yeah, used to see loadsa gimps in school over-working their chest and neglecting the rest. Also, the classic "rugger" walk of bringin' the shoulders forward gives 'em a hunch pretty quickly NEways.

I personally think back's the place to go nuts on if you truly wanna be a beast - Big traps, Big Lats = A F*ckin' Big Unit. You're right tho, pump up your tri's and your arms reach a whole new level in size which no uneducated lifter will ever achieve just workin' bi's!

Cill captured my sentiments exactly! (Get out of my head man!

)
Sorry if I didnt get my point across clearly. I fully agree with you Quirkster that big arms and a six pack is the reason why many of us start going to the gym, but as you mentioned, for you this was your goal at 15. As time progresses surely your goals adapt to the progress you have made with your original goals. I see guys in my gym who train just as consistently as me but Ive yet to see them in any other position than under a bench, doing flys, EZ curls etc. Most of the time they do the exact same weight, exact same reps(sometimes not even as many as they usually can!). This is all down to overtraining, coupled with the fact that the average gymgoers diets are far from optimal. Theyre making recovery almost impossible for themselves. Any time Ive ever offered some friendly advice it seems to have fallen on deaf ears(for the most part). I just hate to see guys busting their balls training with little or no progress, not to mention the fact that theyre exposing themselves to serious injury possibilities.

And Red is completely right with what hes said. The leg muscles are the biggest in the body and increasing their size results in increased hormone production(forget which hormone) and the results are benificial for the growth of all muscle groups.

Haha, how did a gym satire thread get so serious...?

quirkster wrote:

dont be so quick to stereotype people

its a persons choice if they dont want to work out a certain bodypart.not everyone has the same goals or standards

he looks like a fool but now that he has spent too much time training upper body he's obviously scared to train lower body cuz he'd be weak as a little girl!